So Newton got an apple in the head and realized that everything that goes up must come down. That's how I had the discovery of gravity explained to me. No one ever told me who threw the apple up to begin with.
I realized today that when my mood goes down it must, eventually, come up. Which is why I am sitting here listening to teen-angst music updating my LJ instead practicing my Russian enunciation. (When I say Boris it really sounds more like Paris, only with the stress gone wrong, but hey.)
No, I actually did promise myself that by Monday I would be able to read fluently. Not stumbling over every other letter. Because right now I am hating my decision to leave the English Department to study Russian--to the point where I am even missing the secretaries--but I refuse to just drop it and do European Studies so I can be back "home" by next September. And out of University in two years. I don't know what scares me most, really, finishing, or this continuing to suck the way it does.
I think it's first boyfriend syndrome. I got on SO well with English, and I loved it from the day I found out we would be reading "Pride & Prejudice" in first year English Lit. Not even the crappy grammar teacher who wouldn't take 'gut feeling' for an answer but wanted everything explained by rules could put me off it. I just stayed away from her classes and read the grammar book the last two days before exams. (I'm hating the B today, of course, but I really think those sunny Thursday afternoons when the others were stuck in the classroom were worth it.)
Russian I don't get on so very well with. Russian is, I think, the guy who looked better from across the street.
But even really ugly boys can turn out to be nice, right? And you don't HAVE to love them. You can just grow to like them and become friends. It doesn't have to happen overnight.
And I would hate to be a quitter. So I've given myself the weekend to learn to like. Or at least to learn it. Because today was totally humiliating because I missed yesterday's class and didn't know as much as the others. I HATE looking stupid(er). And I have this theory that if I'm as good at it as the others, and I understand what's going on, I'll eventually get to like it more. If I don't, at least I'll have given it a try, and then you're not a quitter, you're just someone who's realized that this isn't for you. And that's fair.
And it's a wonderful theory that has only one flaw: I just discovered a "new" great author at ff.net. A prolific one. What bugs me is, I know the pen name I've just never read the fics. How did I miss this? And how can I go on another day not having read all these many stories? Or at least the many non-post season four-ones.
Having two more chapters of "learn the goddamn alphabet, will ya!" left for tonight, that is quite the conundrum.
Do I want to sit here humming "On" "Ana" "Ani" or do I want to read another JJ fic? Oooh, tough one...
The discovery is good news, though, and it's not like I'm not the queen of procrastination, so I'll manage. But the all-time favorite good thing that happened to me today: My very last exam was finally registered. And back-dated to August 30, which is within the deadline created for me by the Admissions Office. Yay me! So I will be receiving my Bachelor diploma one of these days, and whatever happens with Russian, no one will be able to take that away from me. I have now officially earned the right to do a minor and write my thesis.
All I need to know now, is that it doesn't matter when I do it...